After nearly two weeks of prodromal labor and even a false alarm when I thought I was in true labor by the length of my contractions, how far apart they were, and how long they were going on I finally went into labor! Friday (38 + 5 weeks) I felt very off but I couldn’t put my finger on what was off. Around 5pm I started having contractions and pushed it off as Braxton hicks. After 2 hours or so I felt they were different and noticed they were coming closer together. I decided to call my husband, Zach home from work although I wasn’t sure it was true labor yet. Since it was going to be a few hours before he could be home, he wanted me to go ahead and call my mom over to be with me just in case. While I waited for them to arrive, I prayed over my labor, danced and worshiped in my living room, and prayed that my water would break when Zach got home if this was true labor so we would know for sure. Throughout my pregnancy and especially in the weeks leading up to my due date, I was praying and believing for a supernatural pain-free childbirth (Supernatural Childbirth by Jacki Mize is amazing and I enjoyed reading it and using the scriptures to pray over Ellie, myself, and my labor). My mom arrived around 10pm and Zach arrived 40 minutes later. I went to the bathroom and stood up and I questioned if I had peed a little more or if it was my water breaking and I had a feeling it was my water. I put on a depends diaper I had stocked up for postpartum just in case. As I walked through the living room I had a huge gush of water (10:50pm) and I just started laughing because it was exactly what I had prayed for and it also felt really weird.
11pm Friday Night
Things picked up really fast after my water broke as my contractions set into a consistent pattern of being 40-60 seconds long and about 3.5 minutes apart. I went ahead and called my midwife to give her a heads up and texted my best friend Danielle to give her a heads up as well. We went ahead and set up the bed and birth pool so everything was ready to go! We decided it’d be best to try to sleep as long as we could since we had all been up for a full day. I laid down for about 30 minutes before getting up because the contractions were very uncomfortable laying down and I figured I could get more rest by leaning over the birth ball or pool. Danielle saw my text and headed straight over. She got to my house around 1am and asked if I wanted to rest or walk and I felt like walking! We walked around my neighborhood and talked. Contractions were definitely picking up in intensity and length so I decided to time them and they were lasting 70-80 seconds and were about 2.5 minutes apart now but they were no worse than what my bad menstrual cramps felt like. When we got back inside Danielle cut me up some fruit and veggies to snack on as I labored in the living room. I was on the fence about calling my midwife since it was so manageable but considering my contractions were getting longer, closer together, and I was praying for a supernatural, fast, pain-free birth (and my water had broken as I prayed for!) I figured it was a good idea. I went ahead and woke up Zach and my mom. Zach and I went on a walk with our dog to keep things going and enjoy the last 30 minutes or so we’d have just the two of us for a while. Things picked up on the walk even more as I couldn’t walk through contractions anymore. My midwife called around 3am and said she was on her way while we were walking. When we got back from the walk Zach started filling up the birth pool while my mom made blueberry muffins and I labored on the ball for a while.
4am Saturday Morning
When my midwife arrived around 4am she checked me and I didn’t want to know how dilated I was because I didn’t want it messing with my brain since at this point I was thinking I was 6cm or so based on how close and long the contractions were and how I was feeling and I didn’t want to be discouraged if I was any less. I got in the pool for a while and it slowed things down a bit so I got back out and labored on the toilet for a while hoping to progress more. Around 7:30am I went on another walk with Danielle, my mom, and mother in law. Things picked back up and towards the end of the walk and I went back to laboring on the toilet. I noticed my breathing had changed and I felt the need to breathe down during contractions. I labored sitting on our squatty potty on the floor in the living with support from Zach. My contractions were intense and took all my focus and attention. I remember feeling so loved, taken care of, and supported as Zach held me up and wrapped his arms around me, my mother-in-law was supporting him, and Danielle and my mom made sure I had water, food, encouragement, and the oils I needed! I decided to get in the pool around 12:30pm because my contractions were picking up in intensity and length and I thought for sure it’d be my last time getting in the pool and I’d be getting out with my baby. I labored in the pool until around 3pm (wow- time flies in labor because in my mind it felt like probably 45-60 minutes). My mother-in-law kept the water warm and the hot washcloths coming steadily while Zach supported me in the pool and my mom and Danielle offered tons of encouragement.
3pm Saturday Afternoon
My midwife checked me when I got out and told me I was 1cm and was 1cm when she arrived. I immediately broke down and started crying because things were so intense and I thought I was so close. I also knew I was on a time crunch since my water had broken. She said at the 24hr mark for my water being broken I could stay home if I was 6cm, but if I was still the same, she recommended I go to the hospital since the infection risk is increased at that time. I got all my tears and frustration out and we took a nap. When I woke up around 6pm I was ready to give it all I had to get to 6cm. My contractions had spaced out and were way less intense when I woke up. My brother stopped by with Chipotle for dinner and although I didn’t have an appetite, I ate to give myself energy. I pumped to release natural oxytocin and then we went for another walk. Things slowly picked back up and I cycled through pumping, walking, and sitting on the toilet. Around 11pm my midwife checked and... still only 1cm. We packed up hospital bags and headed to the hospital. Fear set in at this point and I don’t remember having any contractions on the way to the hospital. I was completely terrified I’d walk in and they’d just send me for a c-section, I was discouraged that I had already been in labor for 30 hours and other than Ellie’s head moving down, I wasn’t progressing. I was only allowed 2 support people so my mom and Zach stayed with me.
1am Sunday Morning
We got checked in and the midwife at the hospital checked me with a speculum to make sure my water was really broken so I could go home if it wasn't and she agreed that it was with the fluid seen and with the paper test. I was still 1cm, 50% effaced, station -1. Started pit around 1am when we got a room and I was able to sleep for the most part side-lying with peanut ball until 6am. Around 6:30 my new nurse came and introduced herself, asked what I wanted and how she could help, etc. and the day shift midwife checked and still 1cm and no changes. He said let's take you off everything for the next 4hrs, give you a prostaglandin and you can take a shower, move, etc. and he was all for eating and drinking in labor 🙌. I took a shower, ate Greek yogurt parfait, did the miles circuit, and was up moving, dancing, on the ball, and had half a bagel with cream cheese in those hours and Zach was able to sleep. Around 12:15pm the midwife checked again and it was the most painful thing ever because Ellie made her way to +1 station, 75% effaced but still, 1cm, and her head was essentially below my cervix and he had to reach behind her head. After that, we started Pitocin aggressively upping it 2 every 20 minutes so things got intense super fast and I was able to cope with it for 3 hours on the ball, toilet, hands, and knees, etc. when Pitocin was at 18 units, my contractions felt the same as when things were the most intense at home. At 20 units I literally was not getting a break at all in between contractions, I was shaking uncontrollably, and I could not get myself to relax and release and just ride the waves, I was tensing up more and I felt it was stopping any progress because I was so tense. I asked about pain management and decided to get an epidural around 3pm so I could sleep and let my body relax. I had seen this work wonders for my doula clients that were in labor for a very long time and although I was disappointed in not having the unmediated home birth I wanted so bad, I knew if I didn’t rest, I was going to end up with a c-section and I was hopeful that with a bit of rest, I’d be pushing in no time. I let the epidural run on the lowest setting because I wanted to be able to feel the contractions and where I was pushing when it was time.
5pm Sunday Evening
Around 5pm the midwife checked me again and I was 2cm, 80% effaced, and + 1 station and with the check, my fore bag of water broke. After this, we kept changing my position every 15 minutes or so because Ellie’s heart rate kept decelerating with the waters being broke even more and she was moving down a lot faster. Around 10pm the night midwife checked and my epidural was mostly worn off. I went from 6cm-7cm and Ellie moved down rapidly during that check. I continued to change positions and was excited to finally be farther along.
12:30am Monday Morning
Around 12:30am the midwife checked me and I was 10cm, 100% effaced, and +2 station. I asked if I could labor down for a bit because I didn’t feel pushy and I didn’t want to be pushing for hours when I didn’t need to. She said no because we were on a time crunch since my waters had been broken for so long. She wanted me to do a few practice pushes and said they were super effective and I was doing a good job moving her down. After pushing for almost an hour that went by super fast, my temp was 100.4 (the only time in labor and postpartum I had a fever) and Ellie’s heart rate was getting slightly elevated, but still within the normal range while I was pushing so the doctor came in. First, he said he’d give me a few contractions to see what I had and said I was doing great. Said he’d give me a few more and if that wasn’t working he wanted to do a vacuum delivery and it might end up a c-section. As soon as he started seeing how my pushing was and I had a few contractions to get her out before I would have to fight for a vaginal delivery without further intervention, I closed my eyes and kept them closed to focus, pray, take deep breaths in between contractions, and then gave the pushes absolutely everything I had with each contraction. Before I knew it her head was out with the vacuum after I had maybe 3 contractions with pushing. I have no idea when he started using the vacuum but I was upset I wasn’t aware and wasn’t given the time I thought I would be given. Ellie was born at 1:23am after 56 hours of labor!
⛔️ WARNING- Obstetric violence ⛔️
After she was delivered the doctor said I “tore” and had a 4th-degree “tear”. Took an hour for them to fix me all up and he stuffed me with probably a yard of gauze type of stuff and they turned off the epidural that was almost gone completely when they were suturing me. I was still on 3 units of pit and each contraction was pushing the gauze stuff out and I could feel everything and it felt like the sutures were ripping open. He came in and pulled it out and they gave me some pain meds orally that kicked in 45 minutes later. Once we got up to the postpartum floor Zach asked the nurse if there was a way he could talk to the doctor and midwife and I looked at him confused and he told me that while I was pushing the doctor asked the midwife if I had an epidural and she said yes and then said “episiotomy?” and shook her head yes and he got his scissors and cut. He said this was right after I closed my eyes for ONE contraction! He didn’t say a word to me about it or even said after like hey we had to give you an episiotomy because x,y,z. We checked with my nurse to see what the notes said and sure enough, it said 4th-degree episiotomy. He just lied straight to my face and told me I tore. I also heard him make a comment before I delivered about me being a home birth transfer and laughed and said something along the lines of "you know the saying" or something like that- completely unprofessional and uncalled for. Doctors like him were one of the reasons I chose to plan a home birth. I strongly believe that women should be informed and given the choice to have an episiotomy or tear naturally. Episiotomies are not evidence-based and it is extremely violating that they are done without consent. Not to mention that I had not even been pushing for an hour!
What I would've done differently...
Knowing what I know now and thinking clearly rather than trying to process things and make decisions while in labor, I would have chosen to stay home and monitor for infection at home. I believe I did not really have an infection and that I was just hot from being surrounded by a bunch of people, I had been pushing for 40+ minutes and I get hot as a doula during the pushing stage because of all the hormones! However, I believe God used my labor to teach me how to be a better doula. I mean I experienced part of home birth, hospital birth, Pitocin, epidural, vacuum delivery, and obstetric violence which reignited my passion and drive to be a doula to help as many women as I can from experiencing the same thing. I know my next birth will be a redeeming home birth!
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